Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
