Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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