I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
