I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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