at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
