everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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