If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
