absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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