Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
