So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
