i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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