I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
