If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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