Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
