I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
