This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize