If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
