Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i drank out of a bidet.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
