OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize