If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
