Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
