who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Less talking, more tequila
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
