Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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