i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
