you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize