Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
