My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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