cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
