I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
