Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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