Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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