I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
