I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize