Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
