That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
