nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
