Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
