Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
