she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
