I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
