everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
