I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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