..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize