I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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