Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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