It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
