You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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