Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
