you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Alive.
So much puke
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
