i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
