in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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