I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
