i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
