Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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