I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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