Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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