She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
