Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
