So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You are the jesus of drinking
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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