we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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