Where is the hickey?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
