If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
