My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize