i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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