Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
