I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
