Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
