C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
