Soap is not a condiment
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
ok first of all what the fuck
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
