I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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